10.26.2013

October 25, 2013

White Dog said, "It is like K's mom wrote, momma, some days it is the best we can do to breathe and put one foot in front of the other." After Thursday's trip to the duck park I felt the White Dog Army and I were triumphantly marching forward, joyful that Quinn and Nuka were together and ready for us to begin redefining life after two lingering illnesses and much pain.

I was not prepared for the emotions unleashed when we went to pick up Nuka's paw print. The Pet Service Provider at the mortuary, Larry, sent us away with his hope that he would not see us again for a long long time. (I pray God that it is NOT in another two months, I thought). The sedate little bag the casting came in weighed nothing when Steve handed it to me. That started the tears flowing as I thought, "My girl did not weigh much more than this at the end."

It was grey and rainy; the sky a troubled patchwork of sadness and threat. The White Ones, already ill at ease over the weather, wanted nothing to do with the paw print and Michael shared that he felt it was "gruesome."

The lovely lavender bush, given as a tribute to Another White Dog, was crying out to be planted. In the drizzle Steve took the drooping life and carried it out to the front yard and gave it a permanent home amid our landscape rocks where we can see it from the window and smell it each time we go to the van. Ultimately I am certain it will be a beautiful reminder of my girl, but today it reminded me of the smell of the soothing oil Steve had applied to her muzzle and ears just as she crossed the Bridge. Again, tears flowed.

No one wanted to sleep at bedtime, instead milling around and demanding one more hug or kiss before settling down...and then another.  And then the water bowl was emptied and needed refilling. And the need to say goodnight again brought a new press of White Dogs against us. There were yipes and grunts in the night as dreams rattled my furbabies; more than once I sat and held and comforted one or another who awoke confused. It was all right I told them, I wasn't sleeping well either.

Some days we run joyfully and others we shuffle along because we must, I guess. As I tried to explain to Nuka at one point, it is totally possible for joy and pain to live paw-in-paw...as long as there is love.

29 comments:

Random Felines said...

we know the sadness comes and goes... but one day the happy memories will outweigh the sad ones and you will know that the joy of having her here was worth more than any grief

Jo's World said...

When we lose as many as we have this month, the weight seems to get too heavy to bear. But as we all know, this too shall pass away!

Jo, Stella and Zkhat

Tweedles -- that's me said...

We feel everyday is different too. Some day seem unbearable-- and then sometimes the sun comes out to warm the gloomy cloudy day.
We understand how all of you feel, as we all have walked down a path like yours- sometime or other in our lives-- so we do understand.
love
tweedles

Sally Ann and Andy said...

I am sending licks and play bows to my beloved. We know it is a sad time, and we are sad with you. I am currently wearing a blue boot, and I have a what Sally Ann is calling a flower on my head. I will come and make you happier. You are my darling.
Andy

Brian's Home Blog said...

Yep, sometimes the sads return when you weren't expecting them.

Little Reufus said...

We are just so berry sorry for yeur losses...

wif lubbs from Little Reufus

bichonpawz said...

We are so sorry for your losses. Having been through those feelings...it just takes time. Still to this day, I miss my guy...and it has been several years. He lives on in my heart...as your WDA members will live on in yours. Hugs to you all.
xo
Jeanne, Chloe and LadyBug

holly and the huskies said...

We are so sorry to hear about your loss. We understand what you all are going through during this time. It's truly amazing what dogs do for us. I never realized it till I lost my boy in March and still have my moments about it. It's tough when they get older and more then half our pack is at that point, so we understand. Hang in there and always remember the special moments with them. I think sometimes we get carried away with everyday stuff of life and should stop and savor the moments we have with them. I am trying to do that more myself now with the new pup we have.
take care and hugs to all of you from,
Holly and the huskies

24 Paws of Love said...

My sincerest condolences. I'm so sorry to hear about Nuka. I don't know personally what you are going through, but we've been there. And so close to Quinn...our hearts and paws are with you and your family.

meowmeowmans said...

The sadness will enter in at times, but so, too will the beautiful memories. But you are right. You can keep living life and moving forward, because there is love.

Angel Ginger Jasper said...

Yes as long as there is love. That is the most important ingredient. Hugs to you all. GJ x

KB said...

You said it so perfectly, expressing the tumult of emotions that are unleashed with a big loss. And, for you, it's been two recent ones. Yes, breath and shuffle, and the light will shine again at some point. Keep the faith. With the love that you all share, I feel sure that the future will bring that light. In the meantime, I send healing love to all of you.

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