White Dog rested against me and said ever so softly, "I know what you are thinking, momma. It won't be like that. This is different. You have to believe."
Every pup was off doing other things or napping. Puff was snoring soundly as she rested on my foot. I watched her and lost the battle against fear.
Tomorrow my 16 year-old Baby Girl with heart troubles, a collapsing trachea, and pulmonary issues is going in for surgery. My tough little old lady who Dr. Julia would not risk putting under to be spayed or for a dental know has no choice.
Over the past 10 days a lump has developed on her upper gum, a solid mass that seemingly has no feeling. It is right beneath her eye. Puff was in to see Dr. Julia early this week who took one look and announced, "This has to come out!" She was emphatic enough that she confirmed what I feared--that this wasn't an abscess or infection but a tumor. The mass must be removed and biopsied; the tooth beneath it will also most likely need to be taken. And the mouth thoroughly checked to make sure that there are no others.
So began the in-earnest discussion about how we were going to make this surgery possible in the safest way to protect My Girl's delicate cardio-pulmonary system from the dangers of anesthesia and still remove what clearly needed out. I cannot say that I am entirely convinced that the procedure we agreed upon will be foolproof (and I understand that nothing is ever guaranteed) but I have held Puff in my arms and listened to her heart...she reminds me she is a fighter from way back and tells me she is willing to accept the risks.
So first thing tomorrow we will take Puff to Dr. Julia's and I will kiss her on the head, breathing my breath into her nose and telling her to hurry home to me. The surgical team will include a tech dedicated to monitoring Puff's vitals, one who will be devotedly at the ready with the reversible anesthesia, plus Dr. Julia and her assistant. Puff will have a catheter and fluids. The resuscitation machines will all be but an arm's reach away. Dr. Julia will only put Puff under as deeply as necessary for work in the mouth and will focus on just the tumor, tooth, and checking for other abnormalities...then they will quickly bring her out. She will continue to be monitored all afternoon.
We will bring Puff home at end of day and give her a bit of extra time in her oxygen kennel to help clear her system of the gasses used. We will watch her condition throughout the night and hopefully on Friday, YoYoMa can host the breakfast celebration he has planned.
There are an awful lot of places for curves to be thrown but I am trying to not think about those. But I cannot help thinking about that morning oh so long ago when our Sheena went in for exploratory surgery and never woke up...those demons of fear are rattling at my windows and stirring up memories best left in the past.
I will believe and harness all of the powers within me because that is what mommas do, but I will not be at peace until Puff is home and out of danger.
Please think of my feisty little old lady and send her your good thoughts and healing energies...they would be much appreciated.
We won't know the biopsy results for several days but that is a secondary concern.