October 9, 2017

White Dog looked at Benson standing in front of us and she jumped down. As she moved past me she whispered, "He needs holding."

Benson is my bravest soul. As he battles end stage kidney disease which pushes his dementia hard on some days, Ben-Ben stalwartly shoulders on and never gives more than a soft whimper when he hurts or is scared. He knows that there is no magic pill that will make it all go away...and he is VERY clear that he is not interested yet in leaving us.

There maybe no magic pill but I have learned that there IS comfort for him in being scooped up and cradled in my arms. He settles against my heart and lets its beat provide a rhythm that soothes. I wrap my arms around him like a human version of a thunder shirt so that he can feel entirely encircled... and safe. "I am right here," I tell him. "You are safe and loved. Relax. Rest."

Benson never comes over and begs for attention. Like this morning, he simply stands in front of me gently, undemandingly waiting to be recognized. But his need is clear.

I lift him to me and immediately he sighs in relief as he lays his head on my shirt.  I pull the blanket around us both and let go of my mental "to do" list. This is where I am meant to be.