White Dog leaned against me. "It is not good is it?" I bit my lip trying not to overreact but shook my head. Benson spent the day at the vet still fighting his raging pancreas. I just got off the phone with Steve on his way home with our boy.
Both vets agreed that they are pretty sure that Benson's issue is not pancreatitis but rather something MUCH worse. That coupled with his rising, albeit slowly, kidney numbers, made for a not very hopeful prognosis. He was sent home with tramadol for pain and medication to continue to treat his inflamed organ.
We now have some serious considering to do.
And Benson did not make it easy. His increasingly reactive behavior tells me he is in pain. And yet in our motion picture (as opposed to the snapshot seen by the vet of a drugged dog) indicated improvement. He walked to and from the car and up the steps. He is using the dog door. He even ate a bit, and leaped for a cookie.
But he is withdrawn. And tender. And we know how awful and irreversible the pancreatic c monster is.
We talked tonight, Steve and I. Benson will ultimately have his say but I know right now he would do anything to prevent me from crying or feeling pain...including setting aside HIS pain.
We will watch through the weekend and see how things go in the hope that his is just a tough case of pancreatitis to kick. We believe in the power of love and our Army deserves the chance to create a miracle. But we also believe in doing no harm and causing no pain so we are dealing with the potential of losing my very special boy.
One thing is certain here. We are snuggling a little closer, all of us. We are embracing each moment. We are focusing on love. Whatever is to come...we are facing it together.